What Change Looks Like And How I Stick With It
Growing up, the external forces of life knocked me off my tracks, more the once.
Like most people, I wanted to change things, but creating change felt challenging and uncomfortable.
Mostly because change is not a linear process.
Change is not the same as results, and results are not the same as change.
Most people I coach are unaware of how change works and how much control they have over this process.
They experience a lot of confusion before and during the process.
In this article, I would like to share some questions I ask myself and others to empower a more proactive approach to change.
What Is Change For Me?
I used to see RESULTS as change, never focusing on the change itself.
I was unable to see the difference between results, approach, and environment.
I never took the time to pinpoint choices and behaviors I needed to modify.
I had become blind to the fact that my lack of changes was blocking the road to the results I wanted.
What is change?
I don't know what change looks like for you, today, tomorrow, or in one year.
The only thing I can do is share my definition of what change looks like for me and what has helped me live a peaceful and fulfilling life.
My definition of change is the action I take that has an effect that is strong enough to change one or more aspects of my life.
For me change is to do or become different, it is closely linked to my environment and Identity
All my results are brought about by the changes I make in my behavior and my environment.
One of the biggest shifts in how I relate to results, that has brought me more results than I could ever imagine, is to stop obsessing about the results and focus on the person I want to be.
I know it sounds counterintuitive, but If you think about it, it makes perfect sense.
A writer is not a person who published a book. It is a person who writes consistently.
A runner is not a person who runs a 5 k twice a year. It is a person who runs every day.
For a long time change was very unsettling to me.
I preferred to shy away from any changes- big or small.
However, over time the lack of change caused me more suffering than I could endure.
So I started to see change as a necessary part of creating the best version of myself.
Right about now, you may have a completely legit question:
Why should I change in the first place? And Of course, if you are happy with the results you are getting maybe you shouldn’t change anything.
But if you are not getting the results you want, it is time to start looking at what change looks like for you.
2. What Changes Would I Have To Make To Change My Identity?
My experience is that change is not always a life-changing decision/moment like we see in the movies.
Most often my identity has been reshaped over a gradual time frame, as my sense of who I am was modified with or without my awareness.
All change is closely tied to my identity, and my identity is a product of my environment.
It is therefore nearly impossible to change my environment or behavior without altering my self-perception.
My actions, in this context, are the changes I make in my environment and behavior, that shape my identity, or in some cases lack of action.
My identity then reinforces my choices and actions in a never-ending cycle.
And that is why over 99 percent of all people who are trying to lose weight don't succeed.
Some call it habits, others call it character.
It doesn't really matter what you call it as long as you ask the question:
What Changes Would I Have To Make To Change My Identity?
This is such an important question because it changes how you relate to results and shifts your focus to change your environment and behavior.
I started to see constructive change as an investment in myself and the first thing I noticed was that I stopped obsessing about results.
I started to believe that I was creating a more worthy, valuable, competent, and capable version of myself.
That is more empowering and motivating than all the results in the world.
And the kicker here is that after a couple of weeks I didn't look back and I no longer focused on results.
The best part? For the first time in my life, I started killing it in several areas in my life.
I felt competent and I was learning.
3. How Do I Identify What I Want To Change?
For over 16 years, I was stuck in the same rut and had a nagging feeling that I could get more out of life. My life!
Luckily I met a good mentor with a big heart who helped me identify what I wanted to change.
I remember his words:
To know where you are going, you must first identify where you are.
At the time I was feeling:
— I was not making an impact
—Apathetic and complacent
— I dread going to work
— All the money in the world couldn't make up for my dissatisfaction
So, where did I go from here?
I got specific about what was not working.
I made a self-inventory of my values and goals in life.
I made an honest assessment of my strengths and skill gaps.
But, within a couple of weeks, I had developed a practical, realistic step-by-step plan that I started to execute daily and most importantly; consistently.
4. How Is My Environment Affecting The Changes I Am Trying To Make?
My environment can influence, facilitate or discourage me from engaging in constructive behaviors.
This is because the environment I create is constantly nudging me in the right direction or pushing me to make choices that I will regret.
When I break a promise I made to myself, my choice is highly influenced by my environment, pulling me in the direction I said I would not go.
I would even go so far, to say that environment is not good nor bad, it's just the path of least resistance that my brain will always take when given the choice.
My brain is just trying to save energy.
That is one of the main reasons why willpower doesn't work, but environment and Identity changes do.
The environment I create is making me take a step towards something or away from something.
This is because my brain, my nervous system, and my endocrine system are constantly interacting with each other.
Neuroscientist Candice Pert puts it like this," "What you are thinking at any moment is changing your biochemistry."
And they are right, but one thing that we don't talk so much about is how our environment is one of the most powerful catalysts for change in how we think about ourselves and others.
The takeaway environment can be a pathway to success or failure
The best way to break the most talented individual is to put him or her in A non-supportive environment.
In the same way, any supportive environment can make the most untalented and lazy person (like myself)thrive and succeed.
Talent is overrated and the I environment is definitely underrated.
5. In What Way Is My AMBIVALENCE Disrupting Or Standing In The Way Of The Changes I Am Trying To Make?
Every time I am serious about making any long-lasting changes or I want to achieve good results, I always start by addressing my AMBIVALENCE.
Whether I want to lose weight, exercise more frequently, upgrade my diet, quit smoking, cut back on alcohol, or something else, Ambivalence is a big player in the game, not to be ignored.
So what is ambivalence?
Ambivalence is a process of evaluation, simply put it is my brain at work.
It is comparing the relative positives and negatives of possible choices.
It has less to do with the goal itself and more to do with the hard work and discomfort that my brain is anticipating is waiting for me on the path to achieving my goals.
Ambivalence can feed my procrastination if I ignore it and don't make it work in my favor.
I have learned the hard way that I profit from:
◌ Listening to my ambivalence— I write down the areas in which I experience ambivalence in any important project or goal
◌ Clarifying my values — I can't stress this enough
◌ Questioning my motives — Over the years, this has helped me explore my reasons for making changes and get" "out of the deep forest of ambivalence
I consider the following questions:
—Why do I want to achieve this?
—Am I doing this to please others or create the best version of myself?
— If I decide to do this, how would I approach it to help me succeed?
—What are my top three reasons for doing this?
—What am I willing to endure to make this change?
— What have I already done to take steps in this direction?
6. How Do I Track, Measure And Evaluate Change?
I used to believe that the result was the change.
The consequences of this belief lead me to ignore the importance of tracking, measuring, and evaluating change, keeping me stuck in a loop of dead ends for years before I shifted gears.
Change is input, not results. Results can come much later, but it will rarely come if I don't focus on changing my environment and behavior.
This was really challenging for me to grasps at first because we live in a society that mostly focuses on results and minimal on change.
What I have learned is that every action has a reaction, and it is this action that is the change, how small or big it might be.
If I just stick to what I said I would do, track, measure, and evaluate I will get results.
I track the changes I make because they provide me with feedback so that I can evaluate and make necessary adjustments along the way.
Lastly, I evaluate the changes I am making, so that I don't keep repeating something that is not creating identity change.
NO IDENTITY CHANGE = NO LONG-LASTING CHANGE,
NO LONG-LASTING CHANGE = NO RESULTS
Another way to relate to goals and results is that if I am not seeing any changes in one or more eras in my life I will most likely not see any results.
Every change I make, my brain and body will interpret as a win, if I am able to stop obsessing about the results.
This is not as complicated as it sounds.
I keep the mantra in mind that input is change, and the moment I am changing my input, I am changing and evolving, even if I am not seeing any results yet.
Summary
My brain is in a dark room. Without inputs, it knows nothing besides what I feed it. (input)
I couldn't make any observations, assessments, or decisions without my nervous system and my feelings and emotions there to guide me.
The environment I create is constantly creating feelings and emotions sending inputs to my brain, which translates into decisions and actions by using stored memories to guide future decisions.
So, if I want to change my future, I have to change my input and focus on change and environment- not results.
Change is something I do, results are something I get.
Results have little to no effect on my identity, while change can have a huge effect on my identity.
The best way to change my self-perception is to create change every day.
If I want to change my life, I have to change my input
This process never ends, so I remind myself to be mindful and to do this in baby steps and with a hefty dose of empathy.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope this was helpful, and please share it with the world.
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