Perfect Is Not An Option. It Is A Delusion
The constant striving to achieve perfection has led me down the wrong path more than once.
The consent striving to achieve a sense of perfection has led me down the wrong path more than once.
For so long, my perfection made me place value on the wrong things, ignoring my true self for fear that I would somehow not be good enough.
Perfectionism was a story in my head. It was not linked to my results, it was linked to the delusional idea that PERFECT is a concept that exists.
What I consider perfect might be total garbage for you, and what you consider perfect is completely useless to your child.
Perfect is impossible to attain or even desirable because it is always a highly individual interpretation done in relation to context and environment.
One of the main reasons is that we all have different interpretations, values, and ideas about perfect, beautiful, and desirable.
I have created the "perfect" life for myself deep in the woods. You might find it flawed and far from perfect without a TV, news, distractions, and commodities.
Perfectionism is not a result, it is a coping mechanism, the brain uses to protect me from the uncomfortable truth.
Over time I have realized that perfect was an unrealistic destructive expectation I engaged in without knowing I was torturing myself and my loved ones.
Perfect is unattainable… Perfect is a delusion in my head.
Perfect hinders my creativity, innovation, laughter, and growth.
Perfect is the enemy of good enough.
Perfect fuels my despair and anxiety when things don't turn out as I planned.
In this article, I would like to share my take on perfectionism as a recovering perfectionist, an Imperfectionist in the making.
The Idea Of "Being Or Doing Perfect" Is The Worst Plague Ever
I used to play the perfectionistic game. It caused me a lot of stress and feelings of inadequacy and almost cost me my health.
Until I started to question the need to be or do perfectly.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote the following on the whiteboard during a lecture:
How Can I Come To Terms With My Imperfection?
This question caused a lot of discomfort and even anxiety amongst some of my students.
I see so much of myself in these young adults. My heart goes out to all of them.
The comparison games they play, the procrastination, the insecurity, and the anxiety they experience.
For a long time, I thought that if I did do more, I would feel less insecure, less afraid, and less anxious and depressed.
Instead, I burned out.
That was the beginning of my journey to strive for excellence while acknowledging my humanity.
I stopped chasing perfection.
Slowly, the lifeforce I had been draining with perfectionism started to come back.
I could see how my sick maladaptive perfectionism had set the stage for my inevitable failures and adaptive behaviors.
My perfectionism was killing my body and soul, but most sadly, it was killing my relationships.
My son was six months at that time, and I felt a sense of urgency.
I refused to imprint him with my perfectionism.
Something had to change. I had to kill my ego.
How Can I Find Beauty In Not Being Perfect?
The roots of my perfectionistic characteristics began to loosen as I dared to explore the most important aspects of my identity.
My self-esteem, groundedness, and what imperfect meant to me.
When taking my first steps to explore my humanity, I was shocked.
I encountered self-doubt and self-loathing buried under all my perfectionism.
It felt like a revolutionary act to embrace who I was, with all my uncertainties.
After a while, I started to embody my passions, unique attributes, and overall sense of self-started to shift.
I learned that it is impossible to find peace as long as I practice perfectionism.
Perfectionism Is A Skill
There is always an element of loos every time I make Identity changes.
Killing the parts of me that no longer serve me and accepting new parts of me that I am not yet comfortable with.
When I feel like this, I remind myself of author Julia Cameron words:
“Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. It is a loop–an obsessive, debilitating closed system that causes you to get stuck in the details of what you are writing or painting or making and to lose sight of the whole.”
I feel so much love for the part that gets stuck. The part of me loses sight of the crucial things in life.
Perfectionism is a skill that I learned. The pursuit of perfection was a maladaptive way of coping with the distress of anxiety and perfectionism itself.
Imperfectionism is also a skill that I learned by first admitting that I had a problem and overcoming my internal obstacles.
How I Became A proud Imperfectionist
I am a recovering perfectionist, an Imperfectionist in the making.
I don't know you or what you have been through that makes you cling to perfectionism.
I can only share what I did to recognize my perfectionist tendencies and work on my behavior to overcome them.
I became an imperfectionist by having honest conversations to establish the difference between perfection and high achievement.
I do my best to embrace all the imperfect parts of me and label my feelings, which is easier said than done.
The labeling provides me with the understanding that my perfectionism is not driven by a desire for excellence but by the fear of failure.
The first time I did this process, all of my past hit me hard, all the opportunities I had squandered, relationships that I should have left but stayed in because they triggered my perfectionism.
Every year I embark on a new project that I am not good at to remind myself that it's ok that I suck.
Sometimes, when I feel courageous, I deliberately make mistakes to practice letting them go
I work like crazy to understand my values to choose love over fear.
I let go of the need to control people and situations and let things happen for me.
I learned to understand my limits and when to say no.
Most importantly, I have learned acceptance and embrace my weaknesses.
I have accepted that moment is never perfect and shifted focus to live a meaningful life instead.
Sometimes I catch myself prefectionisting the shit out of a situation— yep, I made up that word, and it's not perfect, and I don't care ;)
Every time that happens, I remind myself why I am here — to kick as, not be perfect.
Perfectionism is the consequence of a two-player game, and it is me not realizing that life is always a single-player game from the day I am born until the day I die.
I invite you to start playing as a single-player, to embrace your Imperfections and live a more fulfilling life.
—Don't avoid failure
—Finish things even when they are not perfect
— Share your imperfections with the world
— Take risks to do something Imperfect in your life
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