Intimacy IN- TO- ME- SEE — Why You Are Talking, But Not Sharing
When people think about intimacy in a romantic partnership, the first thing that comes to mind is the physical act, such as holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and even sex.
— While physical intimacy is essential in any romantic partnership, we will not be going in that direction in this article.
This article will help you to build emotional intimacy with your partner — starting today...
Intimacy used to cause me fear and anxiety whenever someone got close to me, and my reaction was to shut down my feelings.
“Emotional intimacy starts when you allow yourself to connect more deeply with your partner through actions that express feelings, vulnerabilities, and trust.”
I used to think I had to be perfect before I could step into intimacy — the problem is that my monsters refused to move out.
These days I am always looking for those rare conversations where we are sharing, not just talking.
Intimacy can not be forced. It comes through me, and by letting go of all resistance and opening myself up to others.
Most people don’t have a problem with Intimacy.
They love it as long as they don’t have to feel negative feelings.
Being vulnerable provokes uncomfortable feelings and takes time to get used to being vulnerable.
Studies have shown that simply sharing negative emotions with someone we trust can be profoundly healing — lowering stressesponse, strengthening the immune system, and reducing physical and emotional distress
While intimacy can’t be forced, it can be worked on and improved.
Emotional Intimacy
What is emotional IN- TO- ME- SEE?
“Emotional intimacy is defined as allowing yourself to connect more deeply with your partner through actions that express feelings, vulnerabilities, and trust,” says Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist in New York City and faculty member in Columbia University’s clinical psychology Ph.D. program.
The fear of intimacy, also referred to as intimacy avoidance or avoidance anxiety, is characterized as the fear of sharing a close emotional relationship.
Emotional intimacy is the foundation of any solid relationship; It’s simply not sustainable to pursue any long-term romantic relationship without emotional intimacy.
Emotional Intimacy Impact on Mental Health
Healthy Emotional intimacy in relationships is the main component of mental health.
Emotional intimacy in close relationships helps you in life's many struggles and relieves fight symptoms of certain mental health disorders.
Sex and emotional intimacy
The Lack of emotional intimacy in relationships where a physical connection is thriving leads to complications with trust, anger, frustration, and confusion.
Sex is not just sex! It can harm you in the long run by keeping you locked in avoidant behaviors.
Have you ever given it any thought why you avoid relationships?
The lack of emotional intimacy is what creates the relationship struggles — not the problem themselves.
We can handle problems, but we can’t feel bitter and resentful, or feelings of isolation or loneliness, which happens when we don’t foster intimacy.
To boost emotional intimacy, break it down into three parts:
-Observe yor feeling before you share
-keep it simple and specific
-Dare to share — be vunerable
Observe Your Feeling Before You Share
Observe yourself and your feelings before you speak, and when you speak, keep it simple and specific.
Be clear about what you feel.
First, you own your emotions; then you communicate them as direct and specific as possible. in “I statements.”
keep it simple and be specific
Use language like “I don't feel “ I feel hurt.” “I got insecure.” “I love you.” “I need you.” I feel so stupid” “I’m scared to tell you how much you matter to me.” “ A part of me wonders if you feel the same”
Dare to share — be vulnerable
When we share, we start to dare more, and it gets easier to access the root of our soul and allows ourselves to be vulnerable.
Give yourself time to accept any uncertainty.
Review your emotional life to discover how and why you have a hard time sharing.
“Take the risk not to protect yourself. You can’t simultaneously protect yourself and be emotionally intimate. Let your heart be seen.”
— psychologist Helene Brenner, PhD
Mental intimacy
Your brain wants to “have sex,” and here is how it works:
Mental intimacy is the merger of two minds: It’s scary to let another human being see right into my mind and at the same time stimulating.
The “hook-up” culture is booming, and meaningless sexual encounters are becoming society’s norm.
Prioritize time with your partner and explore what stimulates you mentally.
Spiritual intimacy
It's rare for a couple to be similar in touch with their spirituality, and it can be expressed in many ways.
Spirituality compatibility
When two people connect, they handle and respond to life challenges, relationship issues, and specific life-changing transitions as one.
I view “weaknesses” as areas I can improve. When someone is spiritually compatible with me, they will provide a safe space for me to acknowledge the weaknesses I know I have.
In the face of Spiritual compatibility, I find comfort in my weaknesses, and my partner gently pushes me to take my purpose to another level.
I knew I’d found a spiritually compatible partner my girlfriend started to provide the insight and support that I need to thrive.
IN her presence, I am at total peace with my personality.
NOTE: When your character matures, and you start to make wiser and more rewarding life choices, both personally as well as professionally, then you know you are Spiritual compatible.
Physical intimacy
Physical intimacy is all about connection and closeness, our ability to relax into physical touch, joining in the flow of it.
Giving and getting pleasure, closeness, sharing, and expressing what feels good.
The goal is not sex. It's to let go of fears, to trust, and feel connected.
Who doesn't wanna have sex when there are trust and connection?
Why Do We Fear Intimacy?
The paradox of relationship-sabotaging actions, like when we push the ones we love away because we think we don’t deserve them, is actually a strong desire for closeness.
We long for intimacy. We just don’t know how to get started.
Practicing self-compassion
For most people practicing self-compassion, it’s not intuitive. It took me years to stop beating my self up in my relationships.
Self-compassion is to prioritize and investigate my own emotions.
Many people with a fear of Emotional or Mental intimacy resist close relationships, even in their own family. This disorder is related to adult attachment theory.
In other words, we push the ones we love away because of unresolved issues that we need to address.
Some of the fears surrounding intimacy may be related to:
Perfectionism
Low self-esteem
Trust issues.
Anger
Fear of physical contact
An insatiable sexual desire
Fear of abandonment
Trauma
Abusive relationships
“Fear of losing myself”
Social phobia
Neglect
Parental illness
Parental substance use
Personal substance use
What can you about it
The fear of intimacy can hard to detect, as today’s technology not only allows us to hide behind our phones and social media, but it is becoming more socially accepted.
Emotional declutter
Start doing an “emotional declutter” by removing all the go-to distractions you use every time you hear that inner critic or feel any negative emotions.
Make space to notice what you’re feeling.
Rejecting your partner
Please recognize that you are not rejecting your partner, but rather that you fear he or she will leave you.
In conclusion
My body and brain crave all kinds of closeness to maintain overall well-being, and it is my responsibility to make it happen.
Even if some mental health problems may present a challenge in engaging in intimacy, I need to seek information and do the deep soul work to thrive and stay healthy, happy and feel a sense of connection with my loved ones.
I am the sum of all my fears and insecurities, but I overcame my fears and developed an understanding and tools needed to create long-term intimate relationships with practice.
I wish you the same.
Keep creating yourself!
