How Emotional commitment can change your life
I’ve been fascinated by Emotional Intelligence since I discovered it about 15 years ago.
My connection to emotional intelligence is very personal.
I found myself in a place in my life where destructive outbursts and a sense of futility were a breath away from transitioning into a depression.
I remember thinking, I have two choices, I can kill myself or heal myself.
That's how I began to use emotional intelligence as a step on my journey towards a more emotionally sustainable life.”
Over time, something inside of me started to grow.
I started to feel a sense of Emotional commitment for my actions and others.
Emotional commitment is my ability to take responsibility for my feelings and interpret others in a more constructive, loving, and rewarding way.
Before we embark on emotional commitment, let us take a closer look at emotional intelligence.
I always like to start with emotional intelligence to explain it as straightforward as possible to determine where your emotional commitment lies.
And, of course, to set you up for success.
Let's get started…
What is emotional intelligence or a high EQ?
Emotional intelligence or a high EQ is my ability to perceive, understand and manage both my own — and to some extent, other people’s feelings.
I write other people’s feelings because other people’s emotional reactions can often trigger my own.
To take emotional responsibility, I must first develop my emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is knowledge, and emotional responsibility becomes the act that I derive from that knowledge.
You must distinguish between the two concepts here and now.
I can't take responsibility only by knowing what emotional intelligence is.
I have to take emotional responsibility to close the loop.
People with high EQ are often good at listening to others in an empathetic way and show to a more extraordinary extent ability to:
— Perceive, evaluate and express emotions
— Have access to and develop feelings to facilitate cognitive activities
— Make use of emotionally relevant concepts and make use of emotionally relevant languages
— Manage their own feelings and those of others to promote personal growth and create functioning social relationships.
The benefits of emotional self-control are closely linked to wiser decision-making.
When I practice emotional self-control, I generate resilience to deal with the stress and emotional storms that I encounter with myself and others.
If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.
As a person who previously had a very low EQ, with an associated low degree of self-control and limited patience in stressful situations, I can attest that a low EQ is like a stone in the shoe.
In most relationships, my low EQ became a setback and a distraction.
It was a problem for myself and everyone else I met.
My low EQ very quickly became a theme in my life.
In turn, this made me insecure and unavailable in my day-to-day encounters with others.
An empowering division of emotional intelligence
A rewarding and empowering division of emotional intelligence for you to turn back to after reading this blog post is to divide emotional intelligence into 5 main paragaphs and 15 subparagraphs.
Self-assessment: Know my strengths and weaknesses.
Emotional awareness: I know all my feelings.
Self-evaluation: I value my feelings and thoughts objectively.
Emotional expression: I can express and show my feelings.
Self-confidence: My ability to free myself from being guided by my thoughts
Adaptability: How flexible am I, and can I relate constructively to changes?
Stress control: My ability to handle stressful situations constructively.
Problem-solving skills: My Ability to Generate Effective Solutions to uncomfortable situations.
Impulse control: My ability to control difficult emotions and impulses
Drive: My ability to identify my Why and strive to perform and realize my Potential.
Optimism: Doing my very best in all situations in a constructive manner.
Complacency: Cultivating a constructive attitude to life and enjoying the small wins.
4. Social Awareness
Empathy: My ability to observe, understand, and appreciate the feelings, needs, and worries of others (an essential characteristic of any relationship)
5. Social Skills
Social Relationships: My ability to create and cultivate relationships.
Group affiliation: My ability to feel part of society and act emphatically to empower humanity.
Knowing these 5 points is crucial for identifying where you feel you encounter the most challenges.
When you can pinpoint where you feel the most resistance in your life, you can actively develop these areas.
Knowing what, how, and why is a prerequisite to take emotional responsibility and create an emotionally sustainable life.
Whatever I achieve in the material world, I will not enjoy it as long as I do not take responsibility for these five main groups and 15 subgroups.
Does it seem like a lot of work, and you don't know where to start?
Ask yourself this: how much time and energy are you currently spending in these areas?
Or how often do you find yourself misunderstanding others' intentions, therefore, end up in unnecessary conflicts?
“Every time we allow someone to move us with anger, we teach them to be angry.”
-Barry Neil Kaufman
Why emotional intelligence is so important
Emotional intelligence is not something we were born with, and it is never possible to develop it too much.
If I do not spend time developing my emotional intelligence, it becomes challenging, if not impossible, to identify challenging feelings both in myself and in others.
Over the years, I have worked with many different professionals who have a high IQ while having a very low EQ and not being very good at practicing empathy.
A low EQ often generates a low impulse control.
This low EQ leaves me incapable of reading my own or others' feelings, which becomes frustrating and nothing less than a burden on people around me.
If I have low emotional intelligence, it becomes challenging for me to deal with emotional situations in a constructive and rewarding way.
Working on my emotional intelligence gives me a better chance of succeeding in several life areas in the long term.
Compared to general intelligence (IQ), emotional intelligence is more valuable in leadership, relationships, health, and well-being.
Emotional intelligence focuses more on human relationships than excellence.
In any field where I am at a high leadership level, I am hired for my Emotional intelligence to lead other experts in the area.
Not for my product expertise!
“ 75 percent of careers are derailed for reasons related to emotional competencies, including the inability to handle interpersonal problems; unsatisfactory team leadership during times of difficulty or conflict; or inability to adapt to change or elicit trust.”
-Center for Creative Leadership
For me, emotional intelligence and emotional responsibility have been hugely rewarding in all of my relationships.
Emotional intelligence made me the person I am today.
I gained most from emotional intelligence and emotional responsibility in close relationships with intense emotions and challenges.
The excellent relationship I have with my children and other people is mostly a result of my now well-developed emotional intelligence.
How to develop your emotional intelligence
If I had to choose and start with only two different emotional intelligence?
Then I would undoubtedly chose to start with paragraph 1 (self-knowledge)
and paragraph 2 (self-control)
“Self-knowledge and self-control are the basis for the further development of the other three paragraphs.”
To develop good self-awareness, you need to set aside time to meet yourself, practice listening inwards — every day!
If you don’t make time, Self-knowledge and self-control won't change or magically start happening by themselves.
It's helpful to challenge yourself in the areas in which you observe your mind and body putting up a fight or you know you have been postponing.
Your ability to free yourself from your thoughts and not be controlled by strong emotions comes mostly from your ability to trust yourself.
If you imagine how you learned to trust someone, then it’s highly likely that it’s when they do what they said they were going to do.
The same goes for you!
Only do things you say you’re going to do and things you’re will be proud of.
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
— Lao Tzu
Every time you make a choice, a worthwhile question is:
Had a person I am proud of and admire chosen this I am choosing for myself right now?
Or would I have chosen this for someone I care about and love?
In today’s society, self-control is mostly about refraining from doing more, distracting myself, and numb feelings.
Train yourself to be a minimal human being.
That means reviewing everything that takes valuable emotional energy and killing it as soon as you register it.
Be flexible and engage constructively with the emotional changes inside you as they occur.
It will have a strengthening effect on your ability to handle difficult emotions and impulses in stressful situations.
Most people struggle with Self-awareness and self-control most of the time in some parts of their lives.
In these two eras, you have the most to gain, both privately and at work.
“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.”
What are you currently struggling with?
Take a piece of paper and write a list of emotional results you wish to accomplish.
You will notice that it is not about doing more; often, it's about being more intuned with your feelings in your personal relationships to start communicating to understand and connect.
That's the topic for my next article:
How to communicate to understand and connect
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Thank you for taking the time to read my article.
Keep creating yourself.